playing tapes in my head (1 of many)

My Mistress Melancholy 

Been in search of a muse, yet i found her,
So close not so far, not so far from my window.
My my my! I would never lie, for now I have found Her.
Hidden deep within my life, thought Her dead to till this evening.

I had Her buried alive ,or so I thought,
only to find out later, that i had never.
A mistress oh so gloom, a smile so shy ,
yet so deadly in her gaze, could bleed You soul dry.
A face so pale, eyes filled with tears,
I never heard of the day She did fear.

I had Her by the hand , as ever I had feared,
 my close companion, yet never my closest.
I couldn't believe that I never did hear Her,
Yet all this while, in my ear She did whisper.

Dressed in white, my clad oh so black,
It looked more like an old movie picture.
No sound track but the wind, slowly as it howled ,
the trees bent over, as though they were crying.

Laid by the banks of the Styx,as I bid the ferry man away,
In my heart I did wish that she was in there with him.
She did lay by my side, holding me oh so tightly,
 my senses were too numb ,that I did ignored it.
Never felt her touch, though I took heed to Her presence.

Lost now as it seems, I'll help me find myself.
For one last time, believing in reality,
 you close Your mind to to possibilities.
Her words still vivid in my ears,
 every night I see her, when I become a dreamer.

This now, I dedicate to my Dearest,
 Never You be jealous , thank God You'll never be her.
The mistress You replaced, was never the sweeter,
 my muse to this night ,yet You'll never see her.

Verses from my abyss

Darkness did loom in the front side of my view, to clear only at the end to reveal what seemed like a light.
Seemed to be, yet soon I found out that truth is hidden in the silence of my throbbing wounds.
A friend told me that I grew stranger each day, a bit colder with each touch.
I guess I have the world to blame, for making me believe in their lies for promises.

 My eyes do seem to lack a sense of the living, and trivia nolonger in my tongue;
I've grown wiser to know to be silent, watch the world prove itself wrong.
I walk each path I choose, though I must , as men do, regret to be living;
still I take comfort in the terms of my contract, MORTALITY in the bold small prints.

I have to close my eyes each night, never certain of tomorrow's light.
As I sleep I leave my curtains open, to let in the first light in at dawn.
Though I smile, I sometimes am sad, that I still do live.
The knowledge of a greater purpose makes me dance in my steps.

I have indulged in suffering to long,and now know that fear is irrational.
Every thing on earth has begun to end, the start did now usher the finish.
I soon will close my eyes, in the beauty of ignorance, awake to the light of a distant world.
I never cry any more, for my tears I have dried on the rocks of dispair.

As this does in it's truest steps fade into the sea, let the begining kiss deeply the hands of time;
to bid this words away.
:-)